


Simony

by lemonfish



Category: The Thick of It (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-17
Updated: 2014-12-17
Packaged: 2018-03-01 21:36:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2788565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemonfish/pseuds/lemonfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simony (pron. [ˈsaɪ.mə.ni] or [ˈsɪ.mə.ni]) is the act of selling church offices and roles.</p><p>Jamie makes payments for a promotion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Simony

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Uninvited](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2677835) by [stackcats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/stackcats/pseuds/stackcats). 



> I was reading stackcats' Uninvited and wondered how they got to that to that point, and it wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it, so I just sat down and knocked it out while listening to Iceage's Simony. Un-beta'd, unreviewed, un-everythinged. (Also, this is my first fanfic ever, so long-time listener to this fandom, first-time caller.)

It’s particularly late in the evening (Malcolm’s 7th in a row, no thanks to that useless cuntweasel of a PM), and he's so absorbed in reading the latest reports and thinking up painfully scatological threats to use on the minister whose office had leaked next year’s budget that he doesn’t notice Jamie storm into his office.

He’s just on the cusp of crafting an insult involving patent leather shoes, shiny sharp pikes, and these items being shoved in certain orifices when he feels a pair of hands (strong, callused hands, not that he’d noticed, or thought about them, ever, so fuck off) grab him by the lapels and shove him against the wall.

The next thing he knows, he’s staring into bright blue eyes (he'd not noticed those before either, what _are_ you getting at?) with feral violence absolutely radiating from them, so much so that Malcolm has to look away, or he’d burn up in it.

He’s just about to open his mouth to protest the rough manhandling when he’s rudely interrupted.

“Why is that baldy prick Andrew being promoted over me?” Jamie growls. Malcolm can feel the spittle rain on his face. He looks down at the malignant wee cunt who is brimming over with pure, fiery rage. Ah, so that’s what it’s about. A fucking promotion.

“Maybe it’s because he doesn’t threaten his boss with bodily harm, you mad bastard,” he retorts.

“Oh, I haven’t even begun to make threats yet, you quisling skeletal fuck. Would you want me to? Should I get you alone in a room with a rubber truncheon?” Jamie brings his face closer to Malcolm’s in anger.

“Is that how the sieve you have for a fucking brain works? That it’s threats that will get you a promotion, and not doing your actual job for once in your gonorrheal life?”

“Tell me ONE TIME I fucked something up for you! Just one thing, and I’ll leave you alone.” 

He’s got Malcolm there, and they both know it. Jamie is very, very good at his job. Malcolm fishes for something, anything to throw in Jamie’s face, but comes up short. So he stays silent, waiting for Jamie to use up his recesses of vehement aggression before he responds.

The problem is, what with him being held up against the wall like this, Malcolm’s getting turned on. He’s not sure when it happened, but the atmosphere’s changed. He’s only a couple of inches away from Jamie’s face now. They’re both breathing heavily and glaring daggers at each other.

Jamie, always attuned to Malcolm, senses a shift in the mood. A very welcome shift. On a mad whim he decides to lick his lips slowly and see what happens.

Malcolm’s eyes follow the trail of the tip of Jamie’s tongue along his lips with an intensity that would send lesser human beings running for their lives.

Jamie is not a lesser human being. And he decides to change tack. 

“I know what you really want, Malcolm.”

“Do you.” It’s not a question; it’s barely even a statement. It’s a shuddering breath that barely managed to take the form of words, because right at this moment, Malcolm’s brain has short-circuited from lust.

Jamie spreads apart Malcolm’s legs with his knee. They follow along too easily. He moves in closer, and reaches down so that his hands are skimming along Malcolm’s inner thighs. 

To his chagrin, Malcolm gets hard.

“And I can give it to you.” He inches closer to Malcolm’s growing cock. “If.” Closer. “You.” Closer. “Promote.” Closer. “Me.” His hand is on Malcolm’s zip.

What red-blooded human could say no to that?

“Yes, Jamie, anything, just …” he doesn’t finish what he was about to say, because the moment he said “yes”, Jamie went down on his knees, pulled Malcolm’s trousers and pants down, and took his entire length in his mouth.

It’s all over very quickly, but Malcolm hasn’t even had a wank in about three weeks and Jamie is very, very good at his job, so shut your face. Malcolm, utterly spent, slumps against the wall and looks at Jamie, who is still kneeling, wiping the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand.

If Malcolm could get hard again, he would just from the sight of that. But it’s been a long day, and he’s suddenly very tired.

Jamie pushes himself off the ground, stands up, and starts heading out. He says to Malcolm as he walks out, “I assume this will be part of my new position’s duties?”

Malcolm grunts an affirmative response. It’s all he can manage right now.

A light in Jamie’s eyes flickers briefly, but Malcolm’s too busy not looking at him to notice. “Right then. See you Monday.” And with that, Jamie closes the door behind him, his footsteps fading in the distance.

Malcolm pulls up his pants, zips up his trousers, and goes back to sit behind his desk. He pours himself a glass of scotch and downs it. After an acceptable amount of time has passed, when he’s sure Jamie won’t be coming back, he opens a drawer and pulls out the promotion announcement. He’s not sure how Jamie got to thinking that Andrew got the promotion, but if Malcolm is getting blowjobs out of it, who is he to question this turn of events? 

Especially since it’s Jamie MacDonald’s name on the promotion announcement already anyway.


End file.
